wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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