Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize