You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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