I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
