And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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