A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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