I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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