Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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