Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize