I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
