The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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