My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
