I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
