I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize