Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
