I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
