i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
