yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
