It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
