Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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