She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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