dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
