if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
