Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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