careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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