it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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