Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
