YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
