love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize