I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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