those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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