Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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