It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
