Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
