I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
