there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
