I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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