Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
