May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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