I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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