Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
