I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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