First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
