i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
