is your mom at the bar?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
