you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The adults are the big ones right?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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