at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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