Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
