P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
