theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
