doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
