god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
not ubering you a puppy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
