my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
