that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
