i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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