Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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