Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
