I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
