HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
