my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
