I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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