take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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