I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need to calm my uterus...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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