so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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