I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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