Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
