the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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