I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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