I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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