I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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